The Unconscious Human:
“I own my horse. I bought it so therefore I own it. I possess it. It will do exactly what I say and will not misbehave in any way.
I am so cut-off from my own instincts – my vitality, my feelings, my gut reactions, my wildness, my truth, my freedom, my needs, my desires, my dreams and my power, that I need to own another (large, wild and free) creature in order to remain cut-off from myself, and to project all my control, will-power and dominance on to you; my horse.
When you try to move at a speed that is too fast for me, being a mere human, on just two legs, I will pull and yank hard on your rope, I will shout at you and I will hit you if you don’t immediately stop it. I will pull you back to my slow, lifeless pace. And if you dare move to the side, or lift a leg to step, or scratch your belly with your muzzle, or swat a fly with your tail, I will again, hit you and shout at you: “Stand up!” And if there is another human around, my self-consciousness and fear of looking out of control and vulnerable, well, woe-betide you; I will shout all the more loudly.
You see, I need to own another being in order to pass on my fears about myself, and all the parts within me that I have rejected for so long. This began when I was a very small child. When my parents told me not to be myself, not to act wildly, or crazily, not to be courageous and adventurous, not to run freely and play with abandonment. And most definitely not to be full of my own power and life-force energy.
As my parents and other authority figures were so powerful and so obviously right, I have allowed my body, mind and spirit to be severely reined-in and curtailed, so much so, that I don’t even remember what it is like to feel and act from my own unrestrained instincts.
So I bought this horse, and now I have the perfect scapegoat to project my deepest fears onto. To project my deepest anger towards myself onto. To control, to punish and to possess. After all, I’ve discovered I can’t really control another person, even though I have tried to with my wife/husband/partner/child/parent. But a feeling, sentient, sensitive and wild being like you, my horse, I can.”
“I am a wild, untamed, instinctual and free being. I run freely. I move when I need to. I react to my emotional state of being immediately, and those of others around me. I can run fast. I play, I delight in the wind in my mane and tail. I am filled with enormous power and free-will.
Nothing can stop me.
I am me.
I am not you.
Let me simply be me and I will walk calmly beside you.
I will let you do any of the chores you feel you need to do to take good care of me.
I will run and play with you, following your every move and we will be so attuned to one another, that simply by changing your breath will be enough to change my pace and direction, so that I can follow you wherever you wish to go with me, beside you.
I am your friend and your companion. And even if you wish to sit on my back, I will carry you far and at great speeds, with ease and happiness in my heart.
Let your horse-self awaken. Reconnect to your instincts and wildness and power once more.
Live. Be free.
And above all; be your true and wild self.”
© Angela Dunning, 8th September 2013